i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
