Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize