Someone shit on the floor
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I didn't notice because vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
