she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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