How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
