The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
