Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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