She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
