I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
