i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
