I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
