i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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