I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
