he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
