Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
