is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
