why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
