these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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