Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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