there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
