You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
