thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We left an ass print on the piano.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
