i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
