did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
