i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
