Me. At least after what I've been through.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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