but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
