I cockslap morals
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize