We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
