Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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