well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize