he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
