Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
