Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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