How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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