It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
