I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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