i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just gift wrapped bread.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
