I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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