i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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