I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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