I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
