Can i not drive my cunt home
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
