all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was confusing and full of hummus
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
