oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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