I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
