i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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