so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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