cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
