This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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