There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think people are normalizing furries
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
