You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
