Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize