i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
