it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
