I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found your dick twin last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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