Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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