I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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