I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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