im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
