I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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