i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
