Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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