i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
