So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
