I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
