She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize