i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
