Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
