Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
