I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
