If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
