Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize