I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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