you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
