idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I bet he comes in French.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
