I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
