i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if only i could text you this smell
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
