it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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