There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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