can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
