I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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