this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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