i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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