I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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