ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
