i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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