Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
