Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
