Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
