Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
