i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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