The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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