'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
