I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
