i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
