In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
