mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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