I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just google imaged poop.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
