I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
