Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ttyl tear gas
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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