the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She bit a glass in half.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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