I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
