I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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